It has been 2 weeks since the day that we lost Dystinee. It is still hard and there are times that I just want to break down. Over the years I got so use to her being around and now everyday I am reminded that she is no longer here.
Day by day it is getting a little better, but I still miss my little girl so much.
Monday, July 15, 2019
Friday, July 12, 2019
The Return
Today Dystinee was returned. We will being putting her in the living room. She is home again and although we will miss her, we will feel better knowing that she is home again and where she belongs. It will never be the same but at least what we have left is with us now. The Journey After will be a long one and one that will be different and at time difficult but I know that she is safe and in a better place,
I have been told about a rainbow bridge one that our companions are safe and warm. Playing happily with other Companions waiting on the day of our return when we can again be together forever, I am not sure what is real but I know that for now I will choose to believe that, And maybe one day I will again see my sweet girl and get to hold her in my arm and pet her again.
I have been told about a rainbow bridge one that our companions are safe and warm. Playing happily with other Companions waiting on the day of our return when we can again be together forever, I am not sure what is real but I know that for now I will choose to believe that, And maybe one day I will again see my sweet girl and get to hold her in my arm and pet her again.
Day 10
I am again feeling guilt today. As time continue to move forward I am finding myself cry less and even though I still miss her terribly and I know that I always will, I still can't help but feel bad about not crying as much. Dystinee remains should be coming home today and I am glad to have what we have left of her back in the house where she belongs. She grew up here and lived most her whole life here and she belong here and with us forever. I still love and miss her everyday and I will always love and miss her,
Tuesday, July 9, 2019
Day 8
Yesterday was feeling angry and hurt. I have began to I believe finally to accept this. It slow but it is happening. I have yet to remove anything from view of Dystinee's. And in fact we have not touched her beds they are just as she left them a week ago. I still miss my girl and I know that no matter the time I will always miss her.
Monday, July 8, 2019
Day 7
This is maybe not the hardest day, but this day is bad. It has been 1 week since Dystinee left us. I find myself thinking of her often. I am not sure what happens to dogs after they are gone but I hope more than anything even if I never see her again I hope that she found comfort and joy. I hope that she is happy where ever she is now. I don't have a lot to say today as I am just sad and missing a sweet little girl.
On this day I decided that I wanted to post one of the first pictures that we took of Dystinee and then one of the last. She truly was the goodest girl.
On this day I decided that I wanted to post one of the first pictures that we took of Dystinee and then one of the last. She truly was the goodest girl.
Sunday, July 7, 2019
Day 6
Sitting here today I can't help be think that at this time last week I was getting ready to spend the last day I had with Dystinee. I went home and I snuggled my sweet girl. We hung out with her all day.
Everyday that passes takes me further away from the worse day of my life. If find that day by day it's a little easier and at the same time the further I move away the further I am away from the last time I saw my sweet girl.
I never knew that it was possible to free two completely polar opposite feelings at the same time. I am both feeling better and a little less sad and hating myself and feel more sad at the same time. I don't know what the future holds I know that one day I will look back and remember the good times the happy times that I had with my sweet Dystinee. But for now I can't help but also remember that Monday and hate myself a little bit each time.
Everyday that passes takes me further away from the worse day of my life. If find that day by day it's a little easier and at the same time the further I move away the further I am away from the last time I saw my sweet girl.
I never knew that it was possible to free two completely polar opposite feelings at the same time. I am both feeling better and a little less sad and hating myself and feel more sad at the same time. I don't know what the future holds I know that one day I will look back and remember the good times the happy times that I had with my sweet Dystinee. But for now I can't help but also remember that Monday and hate myself a little bit each time.
Saturday, July 6, 2019
Day 5
I am a little late today. We will be going on vacation for the first time in about 6 or 7 years in August. And I had to admit that I am feeling guilty about it.
Years ago we decided that vacations and since Dystinee didn't travel well and she was getting to old and it was to hard for her the be boarded that we would just start doing stay vacation at home and maybe just take a day trip out of town.
We were happy to do this and looking back I would have made the same decision again. And to be honest if it meant getting her back I would have done it forever.
But now that she is gone and we can go again I find myself feeling guilty about going. We still have yet to move anything at all, her toys and her bed are just the way that she left them. I am not sure when I will have the strength to move her things.
Dystinee was such a major part or our lifes sometimes I wondering if I will ever be able to totally move on or not.
All said we still miss her terribly and still find ourselves in shock and disbelief that she is really gone. Every day I still look around the house hoping that I will find her there waiting on me with that little face and looking up the way she did.
I miss her so much...
Years ago we decided that vacations and since Dystinee didn't travel well and she was getting to old and it was to hard for her the be boarded that we would just start doing stay vacation at home and maybe just take a day trip out of town.
We were happy to do this and looking back I would have made the same decision again. And to be honest if it meant getting her back I would have done it forever.
But now that she is gone and we can go again I find myself feeling guilty about going. We still have yet to move anything at all, her toys and her bed are just the way that she left them. I am not sure when I will have the strength to move her things.
Dystinee was such a major part or our lifes sometimes I wondering if I will ever be able to totally move on or not.
All said we still miss her terribly and still find ourselves in shock and disbelief that she is really gone. Every day I still look around the house hoping that I will find her there waiting on me with that little face and looking up the way she did.
I miss her so much...
Thursday, July 4, 2019
Day 3
Today I have found myself thinking of the good times that we had. Dystinee was a special soul, one that could light up a room by just walking into it. Other the past three days I have found myself still trying to come to terms with the new reality that I found myself in. Looking at her water and food bowls and her now empty beds, I still find myself thinking that she will be home soon. And then the cold reality hits me that she will never be with us again.
We are having her cremated remains returned to us and it is my hope that with that we will at least feel a little better know that she is in a way back home.
I still battle with random crying and I believe that it will be that way for sometime to come. But I have to keep telling myself that it was the journey with her that mattered and not the destination that we arrived at. I will forever love my sweet girl and will carry the memory of her always.
We are having her cremated remains returned to us and it is my hope that with that we will at least feel a little better know that she is in a way back home.
I still battle with random crying and I believe that it will be that way for sometime to come. But I have to keep telling myself that it was the journey with her that mattered and not the destination that we arrived at. I will forever love my sweet girl and will carry the memory of her always.
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
Day 2
I remember some of the first that we had with her, not know anything about puppies losing teeth for one. We found a tooth one day and started look and sure enough she had one missing. For the life of me that I didn't think that puppies had baby teeth that fell out just like kids.
So we called the Vet not sure what to do and if there was anything wrong with our little girl. We were assured that it was all normal and there was nothing to worry about. They did also tell us that most of the time the puppies just swallows them. Looking back on it, it funny now, not so much at the time.
I also remember her first hair cut. We just had not thought about haircut she a long hair dog and she wasn't having any issue with her hair but it was getting really long and at this point her eyes were covered. She was a indoor dog so all the hair wasn't needed.
So we decided that she needed to go in for a hair cut. We asked the Vet to give her a summer cut and we weren't really picky about what it was. When she came home it was a big difference...
We kept her this way most of her life as being indoors she did seem to enjoy this cut better then anything else we did.
Looking back on all this and thinking that I am lucky she gave us so many happy memory that I know one day I will be able to look back and just smile thinking of the crazy, loving, funny dog that we shared this time with.
So we called the Vet not sure what to do and if there was anything wrong with our little girl. We were assured that it was all normal and there was nothing to worry about. They did also tell us that most of the time the puppies just swallows them. Looking back on it, it funny now, not so much at the time.
I also remember her first hair cut. We just had not thought about haircut she a long hair dog and she wasn't having any issue with her hair but it was getting really long and at this point her eyes were covered. She was a indoor dog so all the hair wasn't needed.
So we decided that she needed to go in for a hair cut. We asked the Vet to give her a summer cut and we weren't really picky about what it was. When she came home it was a big difference...
We kept her this way most of her life as being indoors she did seem to enjoy this cut better then anything else we did.
Looking back on all this and thinking that I am lucky she gave us so many happy memory that I know one day I will be able to look back and just smile thinking of the crazy, loving, funny dog that we shared this time with.
Tuesday, July 2, 2019
Day 1
I really haven't had a full 24 hours to deal with all that I am trying to process right now. Dystinee has only been gone for about 18 hours or so at this point. So I am not sure that I can call this day one. But I have just gotten up so we will.
She was 15 years old and about 60 pounds to begin with so she was a rather old dog. She had begin to show signs about a year a go of spinal issue. Her back legs were showing sign of weakness and the Vet had told us, that this issue in larger dogs it normally a sign of spinal issue. Not much that can be done at her age or any age really.
At first there were no real issue she was still playing and bouncing around like normal. Being that she was pushing 15 at the time she was starting to slow down and dealing with some arthritis in her joint, The vet put her on pain medication that would help and it did she although still a little slow, was back to jumping and bouncing around.
However I now find myself having to change my daily routines, normally with her age I would have to take her out through out the night. I have been third shift all my adult life so I am normally up at night. but throughout the night she would get up from the bedroom, she would normally sleep at night in the room with my wife. But she would gt up and come out into the kitchen to get water and she would then walk over to my office and look in on me.
I am not on third today as I had to deal with this loss yesterday but I am up early and already there is not Dystinee looking to go out, And there is no good girl with me while I lay in the living room to watch TV at nights.
Right now I found myself missing the small things
Like looking down and seeing her laying in her bed and then looking back as me. 16 years and now I find myself totally lost and feeling so unconformable in these new routines. The lack of needing to take care of her anymore. And life seems a little less filled without her here.
I will take this one step at a time until I find my footing.
She was 15 years old and about 60 pounds to begin with so she was a rather old dog. She had begin to show signs about a year a go of spinal issue. Her back legs were showing sign of weakness and the Vet had told us, that this issue in larger dogs it normally a sign of spinal issue. Not much that can be done at her age or any age really.
At first there were no real issue she was still playing and bouncing around like normal. Being that she was pushing 15 at the time she was starting to slow down and dealing with some arthritis in her joint, The vet put her on pain medication that would help and it did she although still a little slow, was back to jumping and bouncing around.
However I now find myself having to change my daily routines, normally with her age I would have to take her out through out the night. I have been third shift all my adult life so I am normally up at night. but throughout the night she would get up from the bedroom, she would normally sleep at night in the room with my wife. But she would gt up and come out into the kitchen to get water and she would then walk over to my office and look in on me.
I am not on third today as I had to deal with this loss yesterday but I am up early and already there is not Dystinee looking to go out, And there is no good girl with me while I lay in the living room to watch TV at nights.
Right now I found myself missing the small things
Like looking down and seeing her laying in her bed and then looking back as me. 16 years and now I find myself totally lost and feeling so unconformable in these new routines. The lack of needing to take care of her anymore. And life seems a little less filled without her here.
I will take this one step at a time until I find my footing.
The Journey After
It been one day, since I lost my friend and companion, Dystinee. I will not start by misleading you she was a dog, the most incredible I have ever known. I was her owner so I may be a little biased. I got Dystinee on Sept 11 2003. I was going to the bank and while walking in one of the tellers that I recognized from bank was out front with a truck and in the bed were about 9 or 10 puppies. I had no plans to get a puppy that day but my wife and I walked over and out of the litter one stood out. She walked over to us and we went to pick her up, and with all the excitement in being picked up she pee'd all over the tailgate. I am not sure why that triggered anything but it did, and the next thing I know we are driving home with a brand new puppy.
What made this all the more incredible was that my Wife was actually scared of dogs. We were never able to pin it to anything in her childhood that happened, she was just afraid of dogs. But she wanted to try and get over this. So as you can imagine here we are with this tiny little puppy and she is scared of this thing.
We took her home and she became the friend, and companion for the next almost 16 years that I never knew that I needed. On July 1 2019 we had to say goodbye. I have had dogs in the past but nothing has prepared me the utter and total loss that I feel now. I piece of me is gone and I am not sure I will ever be able to recover it. I decided to write this blog as a way to maybe come to terms with what has happen and the loss that I feel. And so that maybe through my post other may come to know what an incredible dog Dystinee was.
So now I am left to face a new Journey, one in which I feel completely and totally unprepared for, scared and without my friend and companion beside me. I know what you are thinking, what about my wife, She is heartbroken to lost and alone. In this we are lucky to have one another. But we are both trying to learn how to begin again.
Dystinee was been a fixture and Hugh presence in our lives, she has been with us in buying a new home and to be honest we got her only three months after being married. Our home that we once share with our beloved friend is now empty without her, With it being only one day we have yet to move anything that she had. Her beds and toys still lay where she left them, and now in the living room where she once laid with us as we watched TV and hung out, her collar now rest above her bed.
I am not sure were to go from here, I know that I have no chose but to move on without her. But I have to say that, I am not really now looking forward to this journey after.
A few pictures of Dystinee...
What made this all the more incredible was that my Wife was actually scared of dogs. We were never able to pin it to anything in her childhood that happened, she was just afraid of dogs. But she wanted to try and get over this. So as you can imagine here we are with this tiny little puppy and she is scared of this thing.
We took her home and she became the friend, and companion for the next almost 16 years that I never knew that I needed. On July 1 2019 we had to say goodbye. I have had dogs in the past but nothing has prepared me the utter and total loss that I feel now. I piece of me is gone and I am not sure I will ever be able to recover it. I decided to write this blog as a way to maybe come to terms with what has happen and the loss that I feel. And so that maybe through my post other may come to know what an incredible dog Dystinee was.
So now I am left to face a new Journey, one in which I feel completely and totally unprepared for, scared and without my friend and companion beside me. I know what you are thinking, what about my wife, She is heartbroken to lost and alone. In this we are lucky to have one another. But we are both trying to learn how to begin again.
Dystinee was been a fixture and Hugh presence in our lives, she has been with us in buying a new home and to be honest we got her only three months after being married. Our home that we once share with our beloved friend is now empty without her, With it being only one day we have yet to move anything that she had. Her beds and toys still lay where she left them, and now in the living room where she once laid with us as we watched TV and hung out, her collar now rest above her bed.
I am not sure were to go from here, I know that I have no chose but to move on without her. But I have to say that, I am not really now looking forward to this journey after.
A few pictures of Dystinee...
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